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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Music: My struggle

Its been quite a while since my last entry into this blog.  Life takes unexpected turns sometimes, regardless of whether or not there is always a road for it to follow.  As my blog description may say, "I am a composer, musician and music enthusiast",  but as of late I find this to be anything but true. It is clear to see that my creativity has been stagnant for sometime.  I have everything I need right in front of me, yet I don't touch it.  It's almost like I fear what is behind the door of opportunity.  

As any musician or artist may tell you.  You cannot neglect your creative intuitions.  For artists, creation is not something we do for the fun of it.  It is an essential part of life and living. Our mental well-being relies on it. It is the way we express ourselves and communicate.   To neglect this essential need to create, is to find ourselves starving and hungry. Abraham Maslow said it best, "A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself."  This statement is not only the truth for musicians and artists, but for all creative beings that walks this planet.  Just as an entrepreneur must conceive and idea for his next business endeavor, a musician must make music. It is just as essential as drinking water. 

Personally, music is much more than a creative outlet for me. It is only when I create music that I find true peace of mind. I've planned my life and career around being able to make music. Performing, Producing and even going to school for music, it is safe to say that a music career has been a dream and ambition of mine since I can remember.  

I am a recovering alcoholic/addict and for nearly five years now have abstained from all forms of intoxication. I was able to get sober because my ambitions for success and desire to live. Even in my darkest hours of addiction I still felt the need for something more. When I was finally able to sober up, I refocused my site on the music industry.  Playing, performing, producing, composing and even learning new skills  I've had my struggles and hardships but overall had not lost sight of my ambition and dreams.  It was not until recently that I have started to doubt my ability to make my dreams work.  I'm finding my life is taking a different path than I had intended.  

For the first time in nearly 5 years of sobriety I feel confused and lost with no plan or idea of what is next. I am now 25 years old and am embarrassed to say I have been here for about 2 yeas now.  I was recently laid off from my full-time( Which is not a bad thing, cause I hated it) and haven't composed anything of significance in over a month.  I once heard someone say, "You can't sit around and wait for inspiration to hit you, you have to force yourself to work, or your not going to get anywhere."  Right now more then ever, I need to heed this advice,  I've been thirsty for far too long. 

Song of the day:  Imagine,  by John Lennon.